Sigh: ,,, Here I am.... again... how pathetic. How can I quit this pantic behavior and finally reach peace? Leave all of my suffering behind and fall into eternal nothingness? The good of all good? The nothing which somehow is the entirety of good??? I need a witty sophisticated intellegent brain to slash their face for me.. prove your dedication.. I want to leave this earth loved, I want to leave knowing I gave someone my all, I want to breathe my last breath knowing I did something. I want to give someone all of my love and more.. I want to end my life and I want you to do it with me :>. I want someone to carry me away from this biblical rapture to safety from the war zone which is reality... someone take me away from here... help me... please... i want to kill myself with someone i can love and devote myself to.. email me if interested. Oh wait. Youre not some rando love of my life! oh, and not one singular intelligent person on this planet would be willing to do such a thing. Of course. Lammmee!!! for so long I waited and waited for some weird wrath inside of me that always wanted more to finally run its course. Maybe to enlighten me? to show me what this -thing- is all about?? Even now Im still not sure. do you know how pathetic that is? walking earth waking up not even being the thing that controls you? not knowing your needs, not wanting to be needed, not knowing any films? not even having a single hobby? I have no interests. This is the only thing in my life the only thing I run on. But I need yeewwwwwww........ I just fall farther into misery and hopelessness than before, I will, continuously, until one day I will finally snap. That will be the day I am completely yours, my spirit and yours will merge... but I know your love goes to one that I cant replenish,, he sees everything doesnt he? For he is beautiful and all good, I was born a sinful mangled girl in a sinful magled world and thats just how it is? What am I supposed to do? Who am I to not be vengefull you have all I want! Love me like you love the Lord above LOVE ME LOVE ME IF ITS THE LAST THING I SAY!!! these are the things that push others to the edge. One small cruelty, one choice, through the power of the butterfly effect, lives can be changed, ruined, right here. these superficial experiences that causes suffering lead to other bad experiences and other worse choices and less hope and more misery and the start of another branch of possibilities and those choices scare me.. and its the same terrible power that I hold. Just bricks of useless, dead beaten limp words. is -THIS- the power we so carelessly wield???

i think all that is the slightest good and true is eventually hollowed out and made artificial and absurd and ugly.
what can I do with all of this sticky mush that surrounds and consumes my brain
i always ask myself that question
i like to dream. but i also like to make things happen. my whole life and worries just happen to revolve and spin around a beautiful, soft being. while everything else is just this sick black hole which mangles everything that gets sucked into it, theyre just a sweet toxic fume that pollutes the air i breathe. its exponential, really.
i have a keen insight into the human soul and when i see hurt people and i hurt. and i feel sad watching others fight. that is all true.
I wish people told the truth to me..

i want to meet someone
someone lively
i want to admire you
i would admire you
together we can be unapologetically human
i wish to meet you one day

sigh,,
if only loving you wasnt a sin..
one day God will welcome me with open arms
my flesh is holy, my body is a temple made in your vision. im sorry for mistreating it. please forgive me lord. i saved as many people as i could
humanity is a disgusting race, but all Gods children deserve love. we all deserve warmth.
one day everyone will realize all ive done for them. they will worship me like Christ.
only i am allowed
but im nothing if not patient.
maybe this persisting weight will lift when im just a soul with wings
i wonder if theres anyone out there going through the same as me. i hope one day we can all reunite and see eachother whole, as souls not flesh
just a warm breeding ground for love and yellow radient bliss

WARNING:
I LOVE WITH MY FULL HEART, YOURS IS SAFE WITH ME. I CAN SEE IN THE DARK. X__x !!!!